The Artist
I paint
My pictures are beautiful
They tell a story
I use my canvas and fill it
My colors are vibrant
Vibrant to me
When I paint
I use a different medium
Watercolors
Acrylics
And even oils
All created in my mind
Some paint by numbers
I paint by words
My final piece of art
I call it….
Poetry
My materpiece
Is…
“My Poetry”
Aweider 1.16.11
Copyright
The years come and the years go…
New Years resolutions are made, some a success others not so much…
I stand before a new year looking at it differently for some reason.
I wonder…. And what I see is an empty canvas, filled with seconds, minutes, hours and days all mine to create. My very own Pacaso in a unique way. As I begin to create my new year with whatever I can imagine, I am focusing on the intangibles of life. Memories, blessings, love, awe and wonders of what lie before me.
Each new year comes and goes faster and faster. This new year, I will make a point to breathe with my heart, love with my mouth, see with ears and hear with my eyes… There is so much to take in… So much beauty that surrounds us.
I start my new year with a portable easel, a very large canvas, every color I can imagine. A carrying case over flowing with every art medium sits next to me. I will start off with a paint brush and lots of watercolors…
And so I begin to wonder what I will create this new year…
Living 2014 filled with love, awe and Wonder…
“I will always be cheering for you from backstage”… Words a friend recently wrote to me.
I couldn’t help wonder about those words and all the people that cheer for us from “backstage”. People we will never know about, people loving enough to believe in you when sometimes you don’t believe in yourself.
I began wondering this morning, if life is our greatest performance, just how many people do we have behind the curtain helping to run the show? All those people cheering for us from backstage… Their different roles they may have played in our life… Each one taking on a different job, as we preform unaware, in our greatest performance… Life!
The curtain opens, Act 1 begins…
And many stage hands later, we begin the second half of our greatest performance. Some in their final curtain call…
The Story Line:
Be your best everyday.
Be thankful for those who touch your life in every way.
Be aware it takes a whole cast of people for you to play the staring role.
And always remember, those behind the curtain cheering for you from backstage!
Taking my bow….
Starting a new year filled with love, awe and wonder…
Today is here.
The present… breathes life.
Yesterday was there
Its gift… A fleeting memory.
Tomorrow unknown,
Thoughts and worries unnecessary…
Breathing in, breathing out… Life’s gift.
Touch, Smell, See…Taste and Hear the life that surrounds you this day…
Aweider
Copyright 12.29.13
I remember a brown mixing bowl my grandmother used for years. There are so many wonderful memories attached to that one brown bowl! Years passed, memories faded, until one day last week when I spotted that bowl in the back of my mothers cupboard.
My sister recently had a connection to a silver music box that sat for years on my mothers desk. For some reason she was drawn to that box and the memories that called to her. And even more recent the music that played from that same music box unprovoked in the middle of the night.
“Things” filled with memories that make me wonder…
As I picked up my grandmothers brown mixing bowl this morning and held it in my hands I couldn’t help but wonder…
The power of the memories came flooding back to me, as I was made aware once again of the spirit of this Christmas season… Memories… wonderful family memories, traditions, love and the quality of life from my childhood.
As I continued to hold the bowl tight something came over me. I was emotionally moved to tears holding the very bowl my grandmother put so much love into. I couldn’t even imagine the number of times she held it in her hands…
The strong emotional tie to that old bowl this morning kept me wondering… Perhaps, the reality of watching my own parents age, missing my grandmother and her sisters during this season in my life and all those precious memories they left behind.
The brown mixing bowl…
worthless to most…
Priceless to me…
I will cherish the moment I had with my grandmothers brown bowl this morning, as it brought to life wonderful childhood memories.
In love, awe and wonder…
My sister leaves today and I’m already feeling the pressure. Double care taking is overwhelming and although there will be scheduled care takers for my mom it’s not that simple… It’s certainly makes it easier, but life doesn’t run that smoothly.
This whole situation of watching both parents deteriorate is heart wrenching!
A mom who can’t put a sentence together and a dad who is to weak physically to care for himself.
It’s just crazy.
My sister became available this week and saw the severity of the situation, and for that I am truly thankful. She has also taken scheduling on from California which will be a huge help! Again extremely thankful!
Today I’m anxious and tired. This journey and feeling alone, as I’ve watched daily for the past few years has been overwhelming. There have been many blessings throughout this journey… But the reality is… It’s been one emotional roller coaster ride.
This entire situation with both parents keeps me in Wonder…
There has to be a better answer,
which I know will come with personal growth.
There must be family participation.
There has to be a way to get through this care taking of elderly parents while staying in a peaceful place….
The stress is taking its toll… Not because of any one parent or situation… But because of two parents in vulnerable situations in two different places…
The journey continues, the lessons yet to be learned, all while in a state of Wonder
of how to make this work for everyone!
Here I am world! Still learning lessons day after day. I am in love and awe over my beautiful grandchildren. And I wonder daily about my aging parents….
The blessings I have received along this journey have been plentiful.
The gift of Time, the endless amount that has been spent being by my fathers side knowing time is priceless and yet fleeting!
The gift of Acceptance, accepting others for their true colors. Realizing we are all different colors, some you may like more than others. We all have a favorite color!
The gift of Peace, seeing what lies ahead, believing in whatever the outcome, it was meant to be.
The gift of Love, a love so unconditional I never knew it existed until this journey.
The gift of Awe, being able to stand back from a trying situation and realizing you are exactly where you are suppose to be.
The gift of Wonder, being able to think about everything in an unique way. Sometimes making challenges easier to overcome.
The gift of Boundaries, setting them, knowing them, living them….
For some, life is about self…
For others, life is about self-less ness…
Either way, what you do with your-Self is up to you…
There will always be “givers and takers” in this world…
Givers “take” lessons from takers…
Takers “give” lessons to givers…
One world, one present life, many gifts to be opened…
In love, awe and wonder daily….
I shared a visual on my blog this week about facing a brick wall. It was in regard to my fathers illness. An entry I wrote called The Box. I couldn’t help but wonder about someone’s comment… He said “Sometimes you have to go over the wall.” That comment made me wonder… How could I ever go over a huge brick wall? It seemed nearly impossible, and yet, it was only a wall and there was no ceiling…
A metaphor of course for what I have been facing with my dads illness and diagnosis of needing “skilled nursing” care. Putting my father in a nursing home was my worst nightmare and that brick wall looked impossible to get past
That brick wall was facing me all week long, but so was that comment, about “going over the wall.”
I continued to wonder… How was I going to get over that brick wall? And then it hit me…
I am on my way up the wall and going over very slowly, the plan is in process…
I am about to scale a wall that looked impossible a few days ago. Today, my plan is to go over the wall having my dad by my side.
I am bringing him home to my house in hospice care. Nothing will stop me from caring and loving a man who did the same for me my whole life! And so here we go preparing a place in my home for a man who will always hold a special place in my heart… I love you dad!
Now I would say… this is truly living life filled with love, awe and wonder!
Thanks Friend for posting that comment that made me wonder how to go over that brick wall!!!
(George in the beautiful chapel at St Anne’s)
I woke up to the vision of standing face to face with an overwhelming brick wall. Out of breath, realizing the challenge of what towered over me. I pictured myself in a large box. The top was open, a blue sky above. Each one of the four walls were different. The wall I was facing was a solid brick one. I knew there was a wall with a large window I could see out of, one with a very small door, and one with sliding glass doors… My visual this morning had me wondering, but not for long!
I knew with my parents in their final season of their lives, I was facing a brick wall in my world. As much as I wanted to change what was in front of me, it was impossible. There was no way to move the wall, go over it, through it or even around it. The reality was I am about to stand in front of this brick wall helpless. There’s nothing I can do at this point of my parents lives, except be there for them and most importantly love them.
Their lives are about to change forever and so is mine. The brick wall is very scary, overwhelming and closing in fast!
As I stand there helpless, I am reassured there are other walls in my box. For now, I will look over my shoulder through the large window knowing the sliding glass doors await my return to fly free…
In love, awe and wonder…
This holiday season, I shopped early, wrapped my gifts early and the house was decorated in one day.
This was the first year that I was so prepared, for some reason the voice in my head insisted!
I didn’t know why, I couldn’t understand the urgency. But I knew it all needed to be done, and I listened…
I felt I wanted to be present to this Christmas season without the rat race of shopping! So here I am, a week before Christmas totally prepared by Thanksgiving.
I realized the voice that I listened to was my intuition. My dads illness was a reason to be prepared early this year. Although it’s been an emotional few weeks with my parents, I am so thankful to have listened to that voice in order to continue to enjoy this time of year.
Life changes, and we will always have challenging seasons to walk through, but the lesson will always be….
“Stay Present to life, and life’s Present will always see you through all the challenging times”
Listen to that small voice inside…
There is something so right about what it has to say!
Make this Christmas season full of love, awe and wonder…
Love Awe Wonder... 