Love Awe Wonder…

Living Life Filled with Love, Awe and Wonder

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I Wonder

I wonder what today will bring.
What tomorrow has in store,
And about all my yesterdays.

I wonder what I will accomplish today.
Whose life I will touch,
And will I be true to my authentic self.

I wonder about the ones I love.
How long they will be in my life,
And the blessings I receive from each one of them.

I wonder about my children.
Their children.
And their children’s children.

I wonder how I got to this age.
Where the years went,
And how did they go so fast.

I wonder why time moves faster and faster as we age.
What happens to each new day,
And where the days go.

I wonder when I started to wonder so much.
Embrace so much love for others.
And start seeing life through the eyes of awe…

Sometimes I wonder
what you think of me.
Then I remember it’s
none of my business,
And I count my blessings for who I have become…

Amy Weider
Copyright 2013
(Picture of baby Gianna’s feet)


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The Journey Day 14

I’m finding sadness is setting in from the unknown. Dad is physically weak, and yet there’s hope in his actions and humor. His heart has become weaker, his mind confused sometimes, and yet there’s hope in his thoughts… The uncertainty of today and his tomorrow’s way heavy on my heart.

Being on this journey nearly alone is difficult. The juggling of a mom with dementia and a dad in rehab is exhausting, mentally as well as physically.

I am committed to be there for both my parents, I feel children should be there for their parents, making them part of their schedule…
Forever gone is a long time!

As I continue on this journey into the unknown, I pray for strength, peace and hope to see us through till the next journey begins…

Having had my mother over for dinner and watching her actions, the reality of her sadness has also set in. Realizing how scared she must be, I find myself filled with many emotions, wondering what tomorrow will bring for them… knowing what they had for 62 wonderful years…

Emotionally Exhausted, but still counting my blessings…

In love, awe and daily wonder!


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Juggling Acts…

Life is filled with juggling acts! Some seasons there are more “things” to juggle than others. Some people have fewer balls to juggle! Others, seem to be juggling everything that crosses their path! And then there are those who really can’t juggle at all…

I’m not a very good juggler. I find it very stressful, not knowing what to juggle first! When “things” are thrown at me to add to my jigging act, I must say my anxiety increase which makes my juggling not so impressive!

Time is a huge factor in juggling… Juggling that alone can be a challenge! I am still learning to juggle. Caring for elderly parents, looking for a new job, spending time with new grand babies, writing a book, and being present to all that life has to offer, all while trying to enjoy moments daily is a juggling act for me. I’m not fond of juggling, but I certainly admire these who do it well!

Are you a juggler? What kinds of things do you juggle daily?

In awe of those who juggle without dropping anything !


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Just Love…

Ever disagree with others opinions only to realize how ridicules arguing with someone truly is? Although it’s been a very stressful week, and there has been differences in opinions I still feel the love.

I’ve been thinking about life, loved ones, differences of opinions and respect. And as I may totally disagree with someone else, I find the inner peace and love comes from acceptance…

Acceptance of what is, what will be, and what others think. Acceptance is what I’ve learned this week from my differences with others. I am who I am, and so are they. Letting go of opinions and learning acceptance just brings Love!

Just Love, brings peace and joy and this is the time of year for both…

As I move forward with life lessons, realizing it can be overwhelming with emotions, I pray I am able to share “just love” with myself and others… No matter our differences.

Struggling to forgive? It’s Christmas, let go, let acceptance fill your heart and
Just Love!

In Love, Awe and Wonder…


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The Ride

Good days, bad days, and very bad days!

My dad had a very bad day today due
to delirium. He has been in this state on and off for the past 6 days but the last 24 hours have been heart breaking. I stopped back up to see him late this evening and how I found him was so upsetting. So the ride is full steam ahead…

There have been many differences among family members… But this I know without a doubt no matter what others may think… Someone who can’t speak for themselves needs an advocate while they are in a hospital, not to mention a parent who has dementia needs daily care! At the very least they should be honored by being cared for by their children.

Many other countries honor the elderly, especially Japan, we as Americans discard them! I will be there for my parents, not just thinking strangers can care for them!

The ride has just begun! 20131206-223140.jpg

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Out of the Woods…

I love words and sayings, they keep me in a state of Wonder… And although I’ve been known to speak the wrong ones on occasion and miss spell them often, I still love words!

“Out of woods” came to mind this morning. I was thinking about a family meeting that will take place to discuss my parents current situation.
I thought… He’s out of the woods! Making reference to my dads pneumonia.
Only to realize, what’s on the edge of the woods looks even scarier!

Not knowing what’s next and the thought of a nursing home breaks my heart… Although they are not quite there yet, it is just a matter of time.

As I write about this season in my life, I have come to realize it’s my own type of personal therapy. I am thankful for being able to write and share my thoughts. For me, it is an amazing way to release my emotions that may otherwise have stayed suppressed.

Summed up in words…
Dads “out of the woods”
I’m still “spinning plates”
My family is on a “roller coaster ride”
And mom, well, “I’m lost for words” which is exactly what happens to her daily…

So today’s life lesson…
Live it
Love it
Embrace it
Share it…

In awe and wonder of it all…


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Peace From a Ticket to the Moon

I haven’t seen it yet, but I know there is a heart waiting for me and my dad in his hospital room… As he struggles to breathe normally he still manages to make me laugh. He is very sick right now and yet somehow I am finding peace.
Inner strength from faith, from counting my blessings and being present to this Christmas season, all while Celebrating life…

My focus is on a beautiful life lived filled with love, memories, and blessings… perhaps that’s the peace I am feeling right now. Tears come and tears go, but there is a smile in my heart no matter the outcome of this next chapter.

As my dad was in a state of confusion, I watched as he drank a cold glass of milk and ate a turkey dinner with a fork. Only, the reality was there was no milk and no turkey dinner… He was hallucinating…

He seemed to be holding something with both hands and when I asked what was in his hands he said “it was a ticket” … I asked “to where?” He placed it in my hand and said “It’s a ticket to the moon, it’s yours.”
I was reminded of a poem I wrote a few years ago called the moon… Which makes me wonder, since my dad never saw this poem…

The Moon
If I could fly
I would fly to the moon
No… If I could fly
I would fly over the moon
and take you with me.
We could see the world from a view few seldom every see.
Fly away with me
And see what we have always
yearned to be…
~Amy Weider (copyright 2010)

Well, while I’m riding this wave of peace I can only hope it stays long enough to see me through whatever the following days have in store…

I know when I least expect it, I will see a heart and know its time to fly to the moon and take my dad with me…
I love you dad!

In Love, Awe and Wonder…


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Balancing Act

There is a fine line for not losing your sanity, it’s called setting boundaries.

Boundaries and knowing your limits are crucial in life, especially while care taking.
It’s a balancing act of sorts…

My limits are being tested, which makes me wonder about my own personal strength…

My fathers bout with pneumonia and the confusion it is causing is pushing me to my limits. Perhaps I’ve limited my limits and going past what I believe are my limits will only make me stronger. None the less, I am determined to be present to the moment, this beautiful Christmas season, and the blessing of being a care giver…

I’ve been thinking about the term care giver vs care taker…. I find it interesting the difference in the words giver vs taker…
We certainly give! But with the right attitude and insight we are able to learn and “take” away so much more…
So today as I set my limits and follow my heart being a care giver, I can only hope as a care taker I will learn precious wisdom from life’s balancing act…


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“I’m Losing the Battle”

Life has been a roller coaster ride over the past 30 years. Sometimes the hills are steeper and scarier than other times.
There are moments when I feel life is on that last smooth home stretch only to realize I’m climbing that steep hill ready for another ride…
My care taking of my parents make life feel that way lately. Dad has become weaker again, and mom, well, her dementia seems to get the best of all of us!
As I was caring for my dad the other day after his fall, he said ” I think I’m losing the battle.” That made me wonder…
What could he possibly be thinking about being so close to the end of his life at nearly 90 years old… Those words woke me up out of a sound sleep knowing the battle is coming to an end someday. The uncertainly has me on an emotional roller coaster… The wonder of life, its purpose, the meaning, and leaving a legacy has me in a state a wonder…
It’s just a matter of time that my dad will loss the battle… A term, close to his heart being a WW2 vet. For some, life isn’t a battle after all, yet for others certain times of their life is a battle for sure.
I’m up in the early morning wondering,
and remembering…
Remembering wonderful Christmas memories from childhood, thanks to a man who keeps fighting his battle. He is now in the hospital with pneumonia and heart issues but will be fine… He’s a fighter and he still has battles to fight!

This holiday season brings to mind the movie White Christmas … Which makes me think of my dad in his army uniform and all the battles he has fought…

In love, awe and wonder of an awesome dad!