It was time… Time for dads independence and more socialization. Time for me to continuing living my own life… A transitional period which lasted 8 months. A period of adjustment since my mothers passing, a time of mourning for all. But now, it was time.

I moved my father into his new living environment, a lovely assisted living home.  Seniors with a lot in common… Peers his own age and well needed socialization for him. I knew it was time…

As I settled his room and left him in the dinning room for lunch, I couldn’t help but know this was the right decsion. I walked away feeling the same as if I had just left my 3 year old for his first day of preschool… thinking and knowing it was time…

A heart wrenching decision, but one that was made for the both of us for many reasons. Some may not understand why, and some days I may not even understand why… But the peace the surpasses all understanding gives me my truth of knowing,  it was time…

Love you daddy❤️ 

There’s daycare for toddlers and there is daycare for seniors… I have recently started using the senior daycare for my father. Something he prefers not to go to but a well needed distraction to keep his mind stimulated. I couldn’t help but remember the times I use to drop off my daughter when she was three years old. She hated going, she just wanted to be with mommy. I am also reminded of how her son George hated going to daycare initially… And today, although he was gracious about going I know in my heart he just wants to stay home with me. A difficult decision, but one that must be made in order we both keep our sanity. 

You see,  I never thought caretaking could be so emotionally taxing, but it is for a number of reasons… First to watch your parent age right  before your eyes is heart wrenching. Their ability to be that rock has been chipped away into little pebbles over time.  Having to be aware of their needs and wants continually is also wearing.  I’d like to say this is easy… But the truth is, it is Not! 

On a  positive note, knowing your parent is getting the best care possible is emotionally reassuring.  The unknown about the senior homes whether assisted or nursing homes is just as emotionally taxing. This is a strange stage of care giving… A parent who has their mind but their body continues not to cooperate.  They know what’s going on and they feel as helpless as the family care giver.

A decision is being made about placing my dad into an assisted living home for more social interaction. And also to get our relationship back to father/daughter… Frankly I’m struggling with this whole process. Watching your partent deteriorate right before your eyes is heart breaking.  He’s not on his death bed, just years of life tearing at his physical along with his emotional well being. It’s like watching death in very slow motion. The awareness of your parent never being who you once knew does something to ones heart. That small hole gets bigger and bigger until the enavitable happens.

So a decision of a daycare doesn’t seem so difficult compared to the decision of assisted living. A very heart wrenching decision made by many… The unknown of the right decision is scary, the unknown of watching the last chapter in a parents life is heart breaking…

Today I share some difficult thoughts and emotions… My love, Awe and wonder has brought me to my knees of just simply Wonder….