Love Awe Wonder…

Living Life Filled with Love, Awe and Wonder

Category Archives: caretaking


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Consumed!

The overwhelming feeling of being consumed has taken over lately! I have been consumed with decisions for elderly parents. Consumed with my own personal life, or shall I say the lack of how I should be living my life! Consumed by technology and keeping up with all the extra nonsense of the amount of time it requires! And consumed with my own amount of overload and not being able to separate how quickly life seems to be passing me by and enjoying my life because of being so dam consumed!

So now what? My love, awe and wonder journey has been on hold, at least the book portion for over a year. The lessons of life continue to consume my thoughts… Watching, wondering and worrying about aging parents future and how to gently get them into the safest living environment is a huge challenge! Knowing my own mental health has been at risk lately because of being consumed… Doctors, caretakers, lawyer, bills and paperwork consumes me daily! Not to mention plain old worry!

I worry about my parents and how they will feel when they are moved… Parents that gave their children so much more than they ever had, including unconditional love. A childhood filled with wonderful memories, the best gift ever! And now
It’s the children’s turn to make tuff decisions. Seeing the situation daily has consumed my life… I’m exhausted, burned out emotionally! All, a journey to learn, grow and teach from…

As I continue to wake up in the early morning hours worrying and wondering what to do next… I write to calm my soul… Some people meditate, do yoga and such, I write…

In the stillness of the night…
In its darkness,
Questions are asked,
Worries are wondered
Thoughts are consumed.
Nighttime has a stillness
that lingers till morning…
More wonders are worried…
Consumed by thoughts,
In the stillness of the night.

Aweider
Copyright
4.23.14

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Flying Low…

Flying under the radar came to mind this morning as I woke up. After spending over eight hours preparing my office for my dads arrival, I realized my life is about to change forever.

Emotionally this past month has taken a huge toll on me for several reason. Some I won’t share on this blog, others obvious! Watching parents become vulnerable and frightened is heart breaking. The stress of all that needs to take place is overwhelming. The lack of others understanding can be frustrating at times. And although I have time, more importantly I make time for those who once took care of me. Would I prefer another option? Absolutely! Is that even a choice right now? Absolutely Not!

So, for the next few weeks I maybe flying low, “under the radar” trying to figure this whole situation out…
The unknown of the uncertainty of two parents with two totally different needs in two different locations is the challenge… And although there are care givers to help part of the day, the reality of what is happening is emotionally draining.

2014 will be quite a year, anticipating many unchartered territories. I am preparing for life lessons I never thought I’d have to learn. But here I am… a new chapter, new tex, new flight plan… Flying Low for awhile figuring out the view below!

Loving to love… Standing still in awe…
Living in wonder…
(Parent… child… standing next to each other… a life lesson)

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Feeling the Pressure

My sister leaves today and I’m already feeling the pressure. Double care taking is overwhelming and although there will be scheduled care takers for my mom it’s not that simple… It’s certainly makes it easier, but life doesn’t run that smoothly.

This whole situation of watching both parents deteriorate is heart wrenching!
A mom who can’t put a sentence together and a dad who is to weak physically to care for himself.
It’s just crazy.

My sister became available this week and saw the severity of the situation, and for that I am truly thankful. She has also taken scheduling on from California which will be a huge help! Again extremely thankful!

Today I’m anxious and tired. This journey and feeling alone, as I’ve watched daily for the past few years has been overwhelming. There have been many blessings throughout this journey… But the reality is… It’s been one emotional roller coaster ride.

This entire situation with both parents keeps me in Wonder…
There has to be a better answer,
which I know will come with personal growth.
There must be family participation.
There has to be a way to get through this care taking of elderly parents while staying in a peaceful place….

The stress is taking its toll… Not because of any one parent or situation… But because of two parents in vulnerable situations in two different places…

The journey continues, the lessons yet to be learned, all while in a state of Wonder
of how to make this work for everyone!

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