Love Awe Wonder…

Living Life Filled with Love, Awe and Wonder

Category Archives: elderly


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Nothing Good…

I try to make an effort to see the good in all situations. But if I’m to be honest, the aging process has pushed me to my limit of seeing the “good” in everything…

 I have found it very difficult to watch my parents age.  It’s been a year since my mother thankfully passed in her sleep (a very “good” thing) and now my dad is back in the hospital. After getting him settled in his new living environment he has had a set back. Like his past setbacks anything is possible. The roller coaster ride of emotions for all, his confusion and the unknown of his condition puts us back to square one. 

I find nothing good about watching my father in this season of life.  Yes, I still have time with him and yes I can visit and see him as often as I’d like… But to watch your hero deteriorate in front of your eyes is so painful. 

I count my blessings everyday and I am so thankful for my years with such an incredible father… I pray Gods grace over him and if I had that one wish it would be to turn back time…

For now, I continue to dig deep for strength knowing what the inevitable future holds… 

He is and will always be the best dad… Love ❤️ you 

 In love, awe and constant wondering…


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Talk to the Elderly

It just might surprise you what they have to say! One of my biggest pet peeves is people Ignore the Elderly!!!!
People… they are people too! They were you before you were you! They experienced all the same things you are going through… The difference? They’ve been there, and done that already!

I’m not sure why society discards our senior citizens… But it really pisses me off when a conversation is being had and my father isn’t part of it. As if he doesn’t understand, or has no opinion.

Being a caregiver for the past 20 plus years to elderly relatives, I’ve continued to notice the disrespect of seniors… It just bugs me to know end!
They are us and we will be them some day…

Next time you have a chance to talk to an elderly person, Please, Please, Please Talk with them, make eye contact and even go as far as touching them. Hold a hand, rub a shoulder they are starving for touch!

I was a Girl Scout for many years. And although I wasn’t a fan of camping in the woods, I did enjoy singing Christmas Carole’s at nursing homes…
We were taught to
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!” Someday you too may be old and considered “elderly, a senior citizen” my question to you is…
How would you like to be treated?
Ignored or included?
Talked to or talked around?
Involved or looked over?
Touched?
Left Alone or around others?
I know how I want to be treated at any age and that’s how we ALL need to treat and respect a very special generation called Senior Citizens…

The change starts with all of us… Please make an effort to love the wisest of the wise… What they have to say just might surprise you!

In love, awe and wonder…

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Wondering About Life and Death…

Although I lost my brother 28 years ago and a few other close family members there’s something about loosing a parent!

After talking with my sister last night, she commented “you just can’t wrap your brain around it”. I couldn’t agree more. The finality of the death of a parent is so mind boggling. Which makes me wonder about people who lost a parent at a young age. I can’t even imagine…

My 90 year old dad lives with me now, a gift, a blessing, an honor to have him in my home… Being a quiet man I wonder often what he must be feeling. I haven’t seen any emotion from him yet. Perhaps being the dad he feels he needs to be strong for me, one of his Favorite daughters.

I find memories of moments in time flash through my mind daily. Those wonderful childhood memories I miss so much. I know death is part of life, but it’s the part of life that really sucks! I watch and wonder about my dad as I tuck him in every night with a kiss goodnight. Honored and extremely thankful for this time together… But the truth is my heart breaks knowing his pain and the loneliness of missing his wife of 63 years…

There is nothing I can do to take his pain away, except Love him. I wonder more about life lately because of loosing my mom. Life that must be lived and enjoyed to the fullest….

I’m in a new normal again…
Which makes me wonder,
what is normal anyways?
The standard of normal is all relative to each individual… The passing of an elderly parent is “normal”. Grieving is normal, wondering about death has to be normal too…

I continue to wonder about the meaning of life and death. What its purpose is… And how to live life to its fullest during this time in my life…

And still, I can’t help but Wonder about Death…

In awe of life…

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Bridging the Generation Gap!

My daughter came in my house the other day angry about an “old lady”. Apparently the “old lady” made a negative comment to my daughter in Wegmans as she was speaking to her son. My daughter took it personally…
As we age we tend not to be as sensitive to others and their opinions.

The next day I was in Pittsford at a red light. The “young lady” ahead of me was chatting up a storm with the car next to her… I could just about hear and see everything in her side view mirror. I wondered what was going to happen when the light turned green and the ” young lady” didn’t move… Well, I was right! Light terns green and nothing happened. One beep of my horn set off an array of hand gestures I’ve never even seen before! I of course waved back which pissed her off more and I just smiled. I was truly saddened by the inappropriate behavior of what I thought was a “young lady”. I couldn’t help but wonder what has happened to this younger generation. I Probably had the same thoughts every other generation has had!

Will generations ever bridge the gap?
Is it even possible?

Having life experience and wisdom as we age… and believing we know everything at our younger age (No one could have told me differently) makes bridging generations difficult!

I believe each generation must learn from the past generation and most importantly RESPECT one another!

The bridge starts with each one of Us…

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What Do You Walk In?

Shoes…

I got thinking about my mom this morning and all the roles she played in her lifetime. From mother to School Nurse… And then I wondered about the shoes she wore and thought of my own…

I have a closet filled with too many shoes, some I rarely wear, if ever! Everything from several pairs of sneakers to very fancy high healed “dress up” shoes… And of course everything in between! Each pair of shoes represents my mood, and what my feeling for the day may be… I used to love wearing shoes with heels, but as I’ve aged I find flats more comfortable and more casual…

My mom has a closet filled with shoes but over the past few years she only wore one pair. It was a special pair for seniors, shoes that were comfortable and allowed her to be sturdy on her feet.

I continue to wonder about life, all we have and it’s meaning. I wonder about life’s fleeting moments of importance and our egos. As I wonder about the point of it all…. My 40 plus pairs of shoes in my closet (styles that seem to be a must have just incase) makes me wonder about the day I’m left with that one pair of shoes…

When I was a child we were fitted for one pair of shoes. They were white leather with a sturdy sole (like my moms) from Alters, famous for children’s first shoes. Today children have countless pairs of shoes… I guess nothing stays the same…

My point this morning is… well honestly I am not really sure… Except I guess, what I started off wearing as a little girl, my mom ended up wearing at the end of her life.
One comfortable sturdy pair of shoes!

All those shoes in between were just to get her to those final pair!

It all makes me Wonder…

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I Pulled the Plug!

It’s one thing to hear an expression and another the live it! “Pulling the plug” is one of those expressions you hear, but really don’t give much thought to. Oh course other than, a toaster or an iron which you may need to pull the plug in order to put the appliance away!

Well I lived “pulling the plug” first hand Saturday morning, one hour before the moving truck came to move my parents. All that kept going through my head was, the bride at the altar who just couldn’t go through with it!
I thought to myself if I was about to get married and felt the way I felt all week long I would have to walk away from the altar, no matter what others thought!

I just couldn’t do it… I could not separate my parents after 63 years of marriage! And yes, although they need different care, and I begged the senior living place to please reconsider putting them together they just couldn’t risk it with my moms dementia.

So there I was Saturday morning all set to move them when I realized I just could not go through with the decision. So back to square one with a different perspective. And although this ride will only get more difficult, I was at peace last night knowing my mother and father were together next to each other in the their own bed!

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The Move

The doors opened and I had to believe it was for a reason. Today, will change my families life forever…

The move… My parents are moving to a senior living environment. I have been encouraged by all the professionals involved that this is the right thing to do. Which by the way only makes today slightly easier. Having been a care giver for family members for the past 20 years and still for my parents, this move is very emotional. The care giving won’t stop because my dad will currently be in independent while my mother needs memory care. Because of their two completely different needs, the must be in separate rooms… Done gasping?
We have all been very emotionally over my mothers dementia. My dad being physically weak, mentally strong seems to be easier to handle with this move for some reason. Perhaps it’s because he knows this next stage in life is inevitable.

The move…this transition from yet again one home to another type of living must happen at some point. The door opened for rooms at The Villages, which is a lovely senior living campus.
As I awake this day I’ve dreaded, I try to stay strong knowing my heart along with my siblings heart break!

I Wonder what tonight will be like for them? Tomorrow when they awake what they will feel? And how long this move will last. All stages in the aging process… There’s a last move I really don’t look forward to! I have been in a morning stage for the past year now, morning what is no longer. Morning what is to come…

On the positive side I am so thankful for the opening at The Villages, that both parents are still alive, our caretaker team is wonderful and that this whole experience is happening in a lovely senior environment. Staying strong is difficult, there continues to be lessons daily…

I was just a little girl playing outside for hours while my mom called us in for dinner and dad smoking his pipe, was my strong daddy who was always there for us. And that was just yesterday, or so it seems….

The most precious gift they gave to us was “memories”.
Memories of a childhood filled with love, playfulness, loving parents, cottage on Keuka Lake, vacations and priceless holidays just to name a few…

The move today is a lovely, positive place for them to continue to enjoy their sunset years.
Their minds and bodies are tired at 90 but there spirits continue to live each day that is given to them…
Watching this aging process is one of the most difficult challenges in my life… I will be there for them till their last move… I am truly thankful for all their love and support through the years gone by…
Thankful to have Blessing from two wonderful parents….

The Move
Today is that day
The day no one wants to say…
It’s time for a change
What once worked
Works no more…
One day closer to that final move
But till then my friend
Each day is a gift
Each move necessary
Each loved one, loved
Today is that day
It’s time for change
The move…

Aweider
Copyright
7.26.14

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Making Decisions…

Decisions must be made… Some more difficult that others are made daily. Choices of what to eat to what to do next in life. I’ve come to realize decisions are tuff to make, but must be made! Sometimes we make the wrong decision, like eating creme brûlée for dessert while trying to loss weight, not the best decision. As you make them try not to obsess or second guess what you have decided. It is very important to just be in the moment and know there was a good reason for your choice. The creme brûlée was a choice I made and a very, very good one in that moment.

As life changes, some decision seem much more difficult than others. Empty nesters have to make decisions on where to live and when to retire. Caring for elderly parents decision must be made. Where the best and safest living environment would be. Not easy decisions, difficult ones that must be made. I was wondering this morning about the family decision to move my parents. It has been a decision that has been inevitable.
I had an aha moment when I woke up, I realized once a decision is made allow the situation to flow without doubt or second guessing. Nothing is forever…
Live in the present moment and let your decision be allowed to happen. “Don’t go live in the future until it becomes the present…” Oh the awe of wonder!

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Inspiration

Is it possible to be inspired by the lack of inspiration in your life?

I got wondering about the season in my life and all the changes that are taking place. This isn’t my favorite season to say the least, but it is a necessary season non the less.

That dreaded “aging parents” season! It has been a blessing to have parents in my life for so long. But now, my sister was asking the question… Is it still a blessing? Watching the ones you love change and weaken into people you know longer recognize… All while life’s inspiration seems to be numb and yet… In a strange new way, I continue to be inspired during this challenging season.

My dad use to refer to it has his “sunset years”. The beauty of a life slowly slipping away behind a human being… The beautiful sun setting in the evening sky, the end of a full day…
The sunset years… the end of a full life…

A lesson learned… It is possible to be inspired during a period in ones life with a lack of inspiration…

Continuing to live life filled with
Love for others
Awe for what life has to offer
And
Wonder about what today will bring…

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Consumed!

The overwhelming feeling of being consumed has taken over lately! I have been consumed with decisions for elderly parents. Consumed with my own personal life, or shall I say the lack of how I should be living my life! Consumed by technology and keeping up with all the extra nonsense of the amount of time it requires! And consumed with my own amount of overload and not being able to separate how quickly life seems to be passing me by and enjoying my life because of being so dam consumed!

So now what? My love, awe and wonder journey has been on hold, at least the book portion for over a year. The lessons of life continue to consume my thoughts… Watching, wondering and worrying about aging parents future and how to gently get them into the safest living environment is a huge challenge! Knowing my own mental health has been at risk lately because of being consumed… Doctors, caretakers, lawyer, bills and paperwork consumes me daily! Not to mention plain old worry!

I worry about my parents and how they will feel when they are moved… Parents that gave their children so much more than they ever had, including unconditional love. A childhood filled with wonderful memories, the best gift ever! And now
It’s the children’s turn to make tuff decisions. Seeing the situation daily has consumed my life… I’m exhausted, burned out emotionally! All, a journey to learn, grow and teach from…

As I continue to wake up in the early morning hours worrying and wondering what to do next… I write to calm my soul… Some people meditate, do yoga and such, I write…

In the stillness of the night…
In its darkness,
Questions are asked,
Worries are wondered
Thoughts are consumed.
Nighttime has a stillness
that lingers till morning…
More wonders are worried…
Consumed by thoughts,
In the stillness of the night.

Aweider
Copyright
4.23.14

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