Love Awe Wonder…

Living Life Filled with Love, Awe and Wonder

Category Archives: family


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Mother’s Day…


Mother’s Day is a special day to remember mothers… I came across the only picture I could find of my mom holding me as a baby. I found it by accident this week on my computer. I can’t help but wonder…. That little girl (me) on her mommys lap, what were those early years like. Our early childhood memories of life why so few, if any? 

 I often wonder if this new generation will have more memories at an earlier age then their parents and grandparents did because of technology. I watch as my grandchildren love to watch themselves on videos. My grandson can’t get enough of videos to watch of himself which makes me wonder… Will he remember more as a young child then we did? 

Mother’s Day is the celebration of mothers who are living and those who are no longer with us… Daughters who have become mothers, and mothers who have become the mother of all “Grand” mothers… Mother’s Day is a day to remember mothers and all they are and all they do… Their unconditional love that allows them the “gift of motherhood.” 

Happy Mother’s Day to you… no matter if you are a mother of a child, a pet, or in a role reversal playing the part of a mother to a loved one… Being a mother is one of the most special gifts you can ever recieve…

Happy Mother’s Day ❤️


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Uncertainties…

“The uncertainties, the ups and downs, the knowledge of the inevitable loss, seeing a beloved father suffer, and the total lack of control make this journey so hard. God won’t give you more than you can handle – lean on Him. Love ya.” 

A  Tex I recieved from a dear friend last night summed up exactly how I’ve been feeling this week… The uncertainties of the inevitable loss and all the ups and downs that come with the emotions that surround this journey is difficult. The reality is this is the fifth time we have been on this similar journey. Hospitals, rehabs, and even hospice all for continued “hope” and yet decline of my dads quality of life… 

Life is a precious gift given to all of us.

My gift… my father who has always been there for me and has loved me unconditionally. A piece of my heart is torn more and more each time as his aging journey continues. 

Today he is moved again to a rehab center, same place, same time of year except without his beloved wife by his side… Which makes me wonder… Does he still have that same desire to live? 

What will tomorrow hold? Uncertainty is inevitable for everyone that’s a given, but the uncertainty of an elderly parent tears at ones heart continually… 

I feel Gods grace and love on this journey with my father.

I AM Forever grateful for their Love❤️

Big George ❤️ Little George   


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Nothing Good…

I try to make an effort to see the good in all situations. But if I’m to be honest, the aging process has pushed me to my limit of seeing the “good” in everything…

 I have found it very difficult to watch my parents age.  It’s been a year since my mother thankfully passed in her sleep (a very “good” thing) and now my dad is back in the hospital. After getting him settled in his new living environment he has had a set back. Like his past setbacks anything is possible. The roller coaster ride of emotions for all, his confusion and the unknown of his condition puts us back to square one. 

I find nothing good about watching my father in this season of life.  Yes, I still have time with him and yes I can visit and see him as often as I’d like… But to watch your hero deteriorate in front of your eyes is so painful. 

I count my blessings everyday and I am so thankful for my years with such an incredible father… I pray Gods grace over him and if I had that one wish it would be to turn back time…

For now, I continue to dig deep for strength knowing what the inevitable future holds… 

He is and will always be the best dad… Love ❤️ you 

 In love, awe and constant wondering…


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The Thanksgiving Table…

A table and its memories… Had me wondering this Thanksgiving morning. My table is set, the turkey is prepared and company invited…

As we sit around “the table” for yet another Thanksgiving dinner I can’t help but wonder about all the family and friends who have eaten at this same table for the past eighty years…most no longer with us… Thankful for the wonderful memories my mother and grandmother created for us… Thankful for my children and their children… Very thankful for my father who may eat his last Thanksgiving dinner this year at the very same table he probably had his first Thanksgiving dinner with my mother…

No matter what maybe going on in the world today, we ALL as Americans have so much to be thankful for… As you count your blessings today at your Thanksgiving table… Stop for a moment and wonder… Who ate there before you, and give thanks for all they may have brought to “The Thanksgiving table….”

Happy Thanksgiving…

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Family

People come
And
People go
Family will always be…
Some may agree,
Others disagree,
Family love is unconditional acceptance…
Time moves forward,
Childhood Memories are held onto.
Siblings love,
Siblings anger
Family love should always be!
Someday you will say goodbye one last time…
Today, love and embrace all your hellos…
People come
And
People go
Family will always be!

Aweider
11.14.14
Copyright

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In The Middle…

When you are “in the middle” of something you get a 360 degree prospective… And unless you are “in the middle” you may not understand or have empathy. Life has many different experiences, so many that we may never experience them all… And therefore may not have a true understanding of some life situations… I believe that’s where judgement comes in for some. Thinking they know what they believe from afar but not having been “in the middle” to truly see the details of what’s around them…

Love comes in many different forms. Love for others, love for animals, love for the elderly, love for the less fortunate and so on and on… For example some people may not understand how people could love cats or love caring for strangers… We are all the same, love is an emotion that comes from a place deep within our hearts and sometimes is unexpected…

Two people fall in love… Two people know they are in love but can’t show their love outwardly because of what the world may think… Ruled by a judgmental and separated society…
Those who have a need to be right and therefore separate instead of connect with others. Acceptance is a key for spreading love…

I am personally at a place in life where life lessons are priceless. The passing of my mother, and the realization of what truly is important only came after being “in the middle” of the whole situation…

My sister married her wife this past weekend… Again, I was in the middle of witnessing a beautiful celebration, which many may not understand and judge… Life has it’s moments and it’s up to each of us to embrace the incredible people around us… So next time you are in a situation that may be a new experience for you look around, really look around and see it from a different perspective… From in the middle….

Love Awe and Wonder….

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Just One More Time…

My mothers passing has been a life changing experience for me… A “game changer” sort of speak! The game of life has been taken for granted daily. Nothing I could have helped without the understanding of death. I find myself wanting to hug my mom “just one more time”, as I wake out of a sound sleep in tears… It’s been a huge reality check of life’s priority and the importance of family, love and acceptance of others. Those little things that used to set me off or would consume me no longer do… Almost as if there’s a more important daily message to share with others with little said… I watched as a lovely woman became very impatient sitting next to me as we were boarding our plane… There were no connections to catch, it was our final destination. But the situation became obvious that another young woman needed extra help being seated, due to some kind of accident which made her very physically challenged… As I watch the first woman sigh and become visually impatient I leaned over to her and quietly asked “do you have a connecting flight?” I already knew her answer was no… We made eye contact and she began to thank me for allowing her to be aware of how selfish and impatient she had become… We smiled and laughed and I said “we all have a story to tell.” My story was the peace I have after my mothers passing and the happiness I felt heading to see my sister marry her partner…. Her story, a Breast cancer survivor! A moment in time both our life’s were touched by simply being aware of others around us. I am finally beginning to realize how precious life truly is. “Just one more time” isn’t possible for my mother and I, but it is possible for those around me today!

Hug someone you love today… Truly be present and hug them!

Living life filled with Love, Awe and Wonder…


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Here or There

I was wondering about here and there this morning… Funny how this trip seems a little different, I’m “here” I want to be there… And when I finally get “there” I miss “here”. So where is it I truly want to be, here or there?
As I age my “here” has become more important to me. Being “here” with my loved ones really means the world to me. I’ve traveled a lot on my own and enjoyed all my experiences “there”and now I want my loved ones with me here! Grandchildren, elderly parents, wonderful friends all carry a special place in my heart. I think I’ll stay “here” for awhile after I get back from there!

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I Pulled the Plug!

It’s one thing to hear an expression and another the live it! “Pulling the plug” is one of those expressions you hear, but really don’t give much thought to. Oh course other than, a toaster or an iron which you may need to pull the plug in order to put the appliance away!

Well I lived “pulling the plug” first hand Saturday morning, one hour before the moving truck came to move my parents. All that kept going through my head was, the bride at the altar who just couldn’t go through with it!
I thought to myself if I was about to get married and felt the way I felt all week long I would have to walk away from the altar, no matter what others thought!

I just couldn’t do it… I could not separate my parents after 63 years of marriage! And yes, although they need different care, and I begged the senior living place to please reconsider putting them together they just couldn’t risk it with my moms dementia.

So there I was Saturday morning all set to move them when I realized I just could not go through with the decision. So back to square one with a different perspective. And although this ride will only get more difficult, I was at peace last night knowing my mother and father were together next to each other in the their own bed!

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The Move

The doors opened and I had to believe it was for a reason. Today, will change my families life forever…

The move… My parents are moving to a senior living environment. I have been encouraged by all the professionals involved that this is the right thing to do. Which by the way only makes today slightly easier. Having been a care giver for family members for the past 20 years and still for my parents, this move is very emotional. The care giving won’t stop because my dad will currently be in independent while my mother needs memory care. Because of their two completely different needs, the must be in separate rooms… Done gasping?
We have all been very emotionally over my mothers dementia. My dad being physically weak, mentally strong seems to be easier to handle with this move for some reason. Perhaps it’s because he knows this next stage in life is inevitable.

The move…this transition from yet again one home to another type of living must happen at some point. The door opened for rooms at The Villages, which is a lovely senior living campus.
As I awake this day I’ve dreaded, I try to stay strong knowing my heart along with my siblings heart break!

I Wonder what tonight will be like for them? Tomorrow when they awake what they will feel? And how long this move will last. All stages in the aging process… There’s a last move I really don’t look forward to! I have been in a morning stage for the past year now, morning what is no longer. Morning what is to come…

On the positive side I am so thankful for the opening at The Villages, that both parents are still alive, our caretaker team is wonderful and that this whole experience is happening in a lovely senior environment. Staying strong is difficult, there continues to be lessons daily…

I was just a little girl playing outside for hours while my mom called us in for dinner and dad smoking his pipe, was my strong daddy who was always there for us. And that was just yesterday, or so it seems….

The most precious gift they gave to us was “memories”.
Memories of a childhood filled with love, playfulness, loving parents, cottage on Keuka Lake, vacations and priceless holidays just to name a few…

The move today is a lovely, positive place for them to continue to enjoy their sunset years.
Their minds and bodies are tired at 90 but there spirits continue to live each day that is given to them…
Watching this aging process is one of the most difficult challenges in my life… I will be there for them till their last move… I am truly thankful for all their love and support through the years gone by…
Thankful to have Blessing from two wonderful parents….

The Move
Today is that day
The day no one wants to say…
It’s time for a change
What once worked
Works no more…
One day closer to that final move
But till then my friend
Each day is a gift
Each move necessary
Each loved one, loved
Today is that day
It’s time for change
The move…

Aweider
Copyright
7.26.14

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