Love Awe Wonder…

Living Life Filled with Love, Awe and Wonder

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Making Decisions…

Decisions must be made… Some more difficult that others are made daily. Choices of what to eat to what to do next in life. I’ve come to realize decisions are tuff to make, but must be made! Sometimes we make the wrong decision, like eating creme brûlée for dessert while trying to loss weight, not the best decision. As you make them try not to obsess or second guess what you have decided. It is very important to just be in the moment and know there was a good reason for your choice. The creme brûlée was a choice I made and a very, very good one in that moment.

As life changes, some decision seem much more difficult than others. Empty nesters have to make decisions on where to live and when to retire. Caring for elderly parents decision must be made. Where the best and safest living environment would be. Not easy decisions, difficult ones that must be made. I was wondering this morning about the family decision to move my parents. It has been a decision that has been inevitable.
I had an aha moment when I woke up, I realized once a decision is made allow the situation to flow without doubt or second guessing. Nothing is forever…
Live in the present moment and let your decision be allowed to happen. “Don’t go live in the future until it becomes the present…” Oh the awe of wonder!


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Keuka Memories

My mind slips away
to a place,
where my breath is taken away.
The sun begins to set…
Moments of sunshine
glistening on the water.
Red, orange and yellow colors
fill the sky.
Memories of moments
never to be forgotten…
A lake,
Called Keuka.
A childhood,
filled with precious moments.
The sun sets over the hill,
Breathtaking moments.
The reflection on the water,
is like a priceless portrait…
A Picasso, a Monet, a Rembrandt…
Flashes of moments in time,
Memories of years gone by…
Pictures I hold in a vault,
Locked away in my heart…
The artist, my father.
A man who shared those moments for all his children to see…



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Funny How Love is…

There’s all kinds of love. And in our lifetime we will experience many different kinds of love… First love, love of your life, love for your children, love of things, love of chocolate and so on…

The one love that’s has always been consistent for me, is my love for my father. I can’t explain why I have such a strong bond with this man but I always have. He is the one person who has never let me down, loved me unconditionally, and has been there for me no matter what. Not to mention, he has always believed in me.

Some believe parents and their children shouldn’t have “favorites”. But if personalities are so different then why wouldn’t certain people connect differently to each other? Including family members. And what’s the big deal if certain members are closer than others? It all goes back to acceptance… Just accepting what is!
Embracing our differences and accepting one another…
Love is a gift to give and receive.

Is there a love in your life that stands out? If so, why not embrace that love and hold on tight to its feeling…

In love, awe and wonder….

Love embraced
Love accepted
Love renewed

Copyright 4.26.14




The overwhelming feeling of being consumed has taken over lately! I have been consumed with decisions for elderly parents. Consumed with my own personal life, or shall I say the lack of how I should be living my life! Consumed by technology and keeping up with all the extra nonsense of the amount of time it requires! And consumed with my own amount of overload and not being able to separate how quickly life seems to be passing me by and enjoying my life because of being so dam consumed!

So now what? My love, awe and wonder journey has been on hold, at least the book portion for over a year. The lessons of life continue to consume my thoughts… Watching, wondering and worrying about aging parents future and how to gently get them into the safest living environment is a huge challenge! Knowing my own mental health has been at risk lately because of being consumed… Doctors, caretakers, lawyer, bills and paperwork consumes me daily! Not to mention plain old worry!

I worry about my parents and how they will feel when they are moved… Parents that gave their children so much more than they ever had, including unconditional love. A childhood filled with wonderful memories, the best gift ever! And now
It’s the children’s turn to make tuff decisions. Seeing the situation daily has consumed my life… I’m exhausted, burned out emotionally! All, a journey to learn, grow and teach from…

As I continue to wake up in the early morning hours worrying and wondering what to do next… I write to calm my soul… Some people meditate, do yoga and such, I write…

In the stillness of the night…
In its darkness,
Questions are asked,
Worries are wondered
Thoughts are consumed.
Nighttime has a stillness
that lingers till morning…
More wonders are worried…
Consumed by thoughts,
In the stillness of the night.



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Being a Cheerleader

I always wanted to be a cheerleader! Years ago in high school when I finally had the nerve to “try out” I was cut! My jumps apparently just were not good enough! Today I find myself in a
Cheerleading role…

As my parents continue to age, mom with dementia and dad now on hospice with a critical heart valve, I’ve recently have become a cheerleader! A number of times a week my father gets anxious and down. I know talking him through these moments helps his state of mind. I’ve taken on many roles over the last several years as their care giver and now a cheerleader!

After a difficult evening, one of his caregivers tex to say “dad is having a bad night” As I called to listen and encourage him he seem to come out of his funk, thankfully!

I can only imagine how difficult this season in his life must be… I can Only Imagine! I’m reminded of past moments when I needed to be encouraged and he was always there for me. In fact, some 70 years ago at an all boys college, St.Bonaventure my dad was a cheerleader! And now it’s my turn to cheer him on and up!

No matter someone’s age, they have the same feelings, emotions, and fear of any of us. The elderly need extra love and care… Society today discards the aging and disregards their feelings… It saddens me immensely!

If you have the chance… Listen, encourage, touch and love someone today who maybe you 30 years from now!

In love with loving others
In awe of respect….
In wonder of being there…

(A recent picture of Marie and George
To look at this picture You’d never know their struggles they look great! It’s a mind game….)


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The Power of “I’m Sorry”

39 days ago the journey of my dads illness began. Pneumonia was the major cause of this hospitalization which effected his already severely clogged heart value.

Weeks in the hospital with a Hospice diagnosis turned into weeks in rehab with a “pre hospice” diagnosis. Watching my dads physical roller coaster ride put me personally on my own emotional and physical ride!

Although dads pneumonia has cleared his heart remains the same, weak. His spirit fluctuates, along with his strength. All this while my mother patiently waits with dementia for his return home.

Well, he is heading home Sunday to be with mom. That decision was made after a roller coaster ride of several different options. The care team, along with family felt at least for now, that was the best decision. There has been a lot of conflict, differences of opinions, stress, burnout, and emotional breakdowns by family members (the latter sit on my plate).
And with that said there have been a lot of “I’m sorry”…. Thankfully our family knows how to Love and forgive…

I am thankful for those words “I’m sorry”, but each time a conflict or ugly words happen it chips away at my soul. For me, my goal is to just love and personally grow stronger and healthier from family differences.

It’s been an emotional roller coaster ride on many levels for all of us. I personally realized I have already started the morning process for both my parents failing health.

So I am thankful when I hear or read the words “I’m sorry”… With the unknown journey still ahead and the amount of time that is needed both physically and emotionally to care for elderly parents… Conflict, and disagreements are the last thing that should ever take place in a care taking situation. Making a conscious effort to love and embrace each other should be a priority during difficult times. Family coming together and caring for parents in their final years is truly the only thing that matters…

“I’m sorry” that it has been anything but Love…

In the end it’s family that truly matters…

In Love with family
In Awe of “I’m Sorry”
In Wonder of when…


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Flying Low…

Flying under the radar came to mind this morning as I woke up. After spending over eight hours preparing my office for my dads arrival, I realized my life is about to change forever.

Emotionally this past month has taken a huge toll on me for several reason. Some I won’t share on this blog, others obvious! Watching parents become vulnerable and frightened is heart breaking. The stress of all that needs to take place is overwhelming. The lack of others understanding can be frustrating at times. And although I have time, more importantly I make time for those who once took care of me. Would I prefer another option? Absolutely! Is that even a choice right now? Absolutely Not!

So, for the next few weeks I maybe flying low, “under the radar” trying to figure this whole situation out…
The unknown of the uncertainty of two parents with two totally different needs in two different locations is the challenge… And although there are care givers to help part of the day, the reality of what is happening is emotionally draining.

2014 will be quite a year, anticipating many unchartered territories. I am preparing for life lessons I never thought I’d have to learn. But here I am… a new chapter, new tex, new flight plan… Flying Low for awhile figuring out the view below!

Loving to love… Standing still in awe…
Living in wonder…
(Parent… child… standing next to each other… a life lesson)


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The Brown Mixing Bowl

I remember a brown mixing bowl my grandmother used for years. There are so many wonderful memories attached to that one brown bowl! Years passed, memories faded, until one day last week when I spotted that bowl in the back of my mothers cupboard.

My sister recently had a connection to a silver music box that sat for years on my mothers desk. For some reason she was drawn to that box and the memories that called to her. And even more recent the music that played from that same music box unprovoked in the middle of the night.

“Things” filled with memories that make me wonder…

As I picked up my grandmothers brown mixing bowl this morning and held it in my hands I couldn’t help but wonder…

The power of the memories came flooding back to me, as I was made aware once again of the spirit of this Christmas season… Memories… wonderful family memories, traditions, love and the quality of life from my childhood.

As I continued to hold the bowl tight something came over me. I was emotionally moved to tears holding the very bowl my grandmother put so much love into. I couldn’t even imagine the number of times she held it in her hands…

The strong emotional tie to that old bowl this morning kept me wondering… Perhaps, the reality of watching my own parents age, missing my grandmother and her sisters during this season in my life and all those precious memories they left behind.

The brown mixing bowl…
worthless to most…
Priceless to me…

I will cherish the moment I had with my grandmothers brown bowl this morning, as it brought to life wonderful childhood memories.

In love, awe and wonder…


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Feeling the Pressure

My sister leaves today and I’m already feeling the pressure. Double care taking is overwhelming and although there will be scheduled care takers for my mom it’s not that simple… It’s certainly makes it easier, but life doesn’t run that smoothly.

This whole situation of watching both parents deteriorate is heart wrenching!
A mom who can’t put a sentence together and a dad who is to weak physically to care for himself.
It’s just crazy.

My sister became available this week and saw the severity of the situation, and for that I am truly thankful. She has also taken scheduling on from California which will be a huge help! Again extremely thankful!

Today I’m anxious and tired. This journey and feeling alone, as I’ve watched daily for the past few years has been overwhelming. There have been many blessings throughout this journey… But the reality is… It’s been one emotional roller coaster ride.

This entire situation with both parents keeps me in Wonder…
There has to be a better answer,
which I know will come with personal growth.
There must be family participation.
There has to be a way to get through this care taking of elderly parents while staying in a peaceful place….

The stress is taking its toll… Not because of any one parent or situation… But because of two parents in vulnerable situations in two different places…

The journey continues, the lessons yet to be learned, all while in a state of Wonder
of how to make this work for everyone!


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The Gift…

Here I am world! Still learning lessons day after day. I am in love and awe over my beautiful grandchildren. And I wonder daily about my aging parents….

The blessings I have received along this journey have been plentiful.

The gift of Time, the endless amount that has been spent being by my fathers side knowing time is priceless and yet fleeting!

The gift of Acceptance, accepting others for their true colors. Realizing we are all different colors, some you may like more than others. We all have a favorite color!

The gift of Peace, seeing what lies ahead, believing in whatever the outcome, it was meant to be.

The gift of Love, a love so unconditional I never knew it existed until this journey.

The gift of Awe, being able to stand back from a trying situation and realizing you are exactly where you are suppose to be.

The gift of Wonder, being able to think about everything in an unique way. Sometimes making challenges easier to overcome.

The gift of Boundaries, setting them, knowing them, living them….

For some, life is about self…
For others, life is about self-less ness…

Either way, what you do with your-Self is up to you…

There will always be “givers and takers” in this world…
Givers “take” lessons from takers…
Takers “give” lessons to givers…

One world, one present life, many gifts to be opened…

In love, awe and wonder daily….