Love Awe Wonder…

Living Life Filled with Love, Awe and Wonder


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Uncertainties…

“The uncertainties, the ups and downs, the knowledge of the inevitable loss, seeing a beloved father suffer, and the total lack of control make this journey so hard. God won’t give you more than you can handle – lean on Him. Love ya.” 

A  Tex I recieved from a dear friend last night summed up exactly how I’ve been feeling this week… The uncertainties of the inevitable loss and all the ups and downs that come with the emotions that surround this journey is difficult. The reality is this is the fifth time we have been on this similar journey. Hospitals, rehabs, and even hospice all for continued “hope” and yet decline of my dads quality of life… 

Life is a precious gift given to all of us.

My gift… my father who has always been there for me and has loved me unconditionally. A piece of my heart is torn more and more each time as his aging journey continues. 

Today he is moved again to a rehab center, same place, same time of year except without his beloved wife by his side… Which makes me wonder… Does he still have that same desire to live? 

What will tomorrow hold? Uncertainty is inevitable for everyone that’s a given, but the uncertainty of an elderly parent tears at ones heart continually… 

I feel Gods grace and love on this journey with my father.

I AM Forever grateful for their Love❤️

Big George ❤️ Little George   


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Nothing Good…

I try to make an effort to see the good in all situations. But if I’m to be honest, the aging process has pushed me to my limit of seeing the “good” in everything…

 I have found it very difficult to watch my parents age.  It’s been a year since my mother thankfully passed in her sleep (a very “good” thing) and now my dad is back in the hospital. After getting him settled in his new living environment he has had a set back. Like his past setbacks anything is possible. The roller coaster ride of emotions for all, his confusion and the unknown of his condition puts us back to square one. 

I find nothing good about watching my father in this season of life.  Yes, I still have time with him and yes I can visit and see him as often as I’d like… But to watch your hero deteriorate in front of your eyes is so painful. 

I count my blessings everyday and I am so thankful for my years with such an incredible father… I pray Gods grace over him and if I had that one wish it would be to turn back time…

For now, I continue to dig deep for strength knowing what the inevitable future holds… 

He is and will always be the best dad… Love ❤️ you 

 In love, awe and constant wondering…


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Wondering About Life and Death…

Although I lost my brother 28 years ago and a few other close family members there’s something about loosing a parent!

After talking with my sister last night, she commented “you just can’t wrap your brain around it”. I couldn’t agree more. The finality of the death of a parent is so mind boggling. Which makes me wonder about people who lost a parent at a young age. I can’t even imagine…

My 90 year old dad lives with me now, a gift, a blessing, an honor to have him in my home… Being a quiet man I wonder often what he must be feeling. I haven’t seen any emotion from him yet. Perhaps being the dad he feels he needs to be strong for me, one of his Favorite daughters.

I find memories of moments in time flash through my mind daily. Those wonderful childhood memories I miss so much. I know death is part of life, but it’s the part of life that really sucks! I watch and wonder about my dad as I tuck him in every night with a kiss goodnight. Honored and extremely thankful for this time together… But the truth is my heart breaks knowing his pain and the loneliness of missing his wife of 63 years…

There is nothing I can do to take his pain away, except Love him. I wonder more about life lately because of loosing my mom. Life that must be lived and enjoyed to the fullest….

I’m in a new normal again…
Which makes me wonder,
what is normal anyways?
The standard of normal is all relative to each individual… The passing of an elderly parent is “normal”. Grieving is normal, wondering about death has to be normal too…

I continue to wonder about the meaning of life and death. What its purpose is… And how to live life to its fullest during this time in my life…

And still, I can’t help but Wonder about Death…

In awe of life…

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It’s My Turn…

I watch as his broken heart aches
Having the only answer I know…
To Love him and care for him.
It’s my turn
To tuck him in at night
Assure him everything will be ok…
A sweet kiss
A look into his eyes…
Nothing more needs to be said.
It’s my turn
To be there in his time of need,
To listen to
Talk with
And Represent Hope….
There’s a hole in his heart
It may never be fixed…
Only time
can help mend it just a little bit…
It’s my turn
To love
Care for
Reassure him…
A man who was always there for me…
There’s a sweetness knowing
It’s my turn
To care for…
My father
While he waits to meet my mother again…
It’s my turn!

9.21.14
Aweider
Copyright

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The Heart of a Forgotten Father…

Divorces happen every hour of every day… Moms and dads are separated, and children suffer the loss of a tradition biological family structure.
What once was normal is no longer…
Dads have become the forgotten fathers in today’s divorces… I’m sad to say, years ago I personally played my own part in the devastation of the family nucleolus.
I have watched as the injustice towards today’s dads is a disgrace!
The courts continue to favor mothers, some who are actually “dead beat” moms… And dads are forgotten…
As I’ve watched friends take the back seat to their own children, not because they wanted to… But, because it’s the way the system is set up, it enrages me to a point that I believe something must change! There are many wonderful fathers who support, love, cherish and adore their kids and yet they are doing it around a schedule implemented by an antiquated justice system! Equal rights for women? What about equal rights for Fathers?
Divorced mothers hold the reins, as fathers are made to pay and sit quietly in the stands! It is simply injustice at its worst! When will the insanity stop? When will dads play the role they so deserve? When will mothers stop taking advantage of a broken system? When will the system recognize mothers are equally part of this mess… I could go on and on, but having gone through my own divorce and now being on the outside looking in, something must change! Dads are parents too! I dedicate this posting to all the acquaintances I know…Michael B and F Chuck S and Dave K (to name a few) and pray for equal rights for the next generation of dads…
Dads are Parents too!
Happy Fathers Day to all you great dads!

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