Love Awe Wonder…

Living Life Filled with Love, Awe and Wonder


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Family

Being on my back for several days now and knowing I have the same back issues that both my siblings have had , makes me wonder about family. 

We are at an age and stage in life that sometimes family seems to become further apart.  No fault of our own,  just location and circumstances.  As our children have their own family nucleus and our parents pass on, the family dynamic from our own childhood has changed dramatically. And  in life, there is a season for everything.

  
A year ago my sister married her partner. Something a number of years ago would have never happened and if I am  to be honest I’m not sure how I may have felt….  Thankfully today, knowing my truth and what is important in life and family I’m overjoyed with the memory of an incredible weekend that brought our family together after our mothers passing unexpectedly. It was my sisters wedding, a time of love and connection for all who were apart of her celebration.  A beautiful memory of two souls joining together as one in celabration… I do Love my memories… And for me, memories are a very special gift. Life and all its “stuff” we accumulate will wither away… But memories will last a lifetime! 

So as I continue to wonder about life, my past and the wonderful memories of family… One family memory I will always cherish is my sisters beautiful wedding…. Mb and Elke thank you for the wonderful family memory… It was fantastic! 

Happy Anniversay ladies ❤️

  
Living life filled with Love, awe and wonder❤️


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It’s a Beautiful Glass…

There is such a beautiful world out there. Everywhere you turn there are profound messages. 

This morning my heart is filled with Joy which is overflowing… People touch my heart in a way that keeps me wondering…. Wondering why we would ever be negative… Wondering why love doesn’t abound 24/7… Wondering why we tend to sweat the small stuff, and wondering why we just don’t always  love and accept others…. 

Finding that place of joy can be work and a daily challenge for me. But I’m feeling such an enormous peace within my soul after hearing a post on FB this morning… (Probably a combination of several postings) but this one hit home! A grandfather who just lost his wife of 65 years referred to her as “she just changed her residence to Heaven.”  His ability to see life as a glass half full is a gift and as he told his grandson “it’s a beautiful glass” brought me to tears… 

Life and all its glory,  weaving us in and out up and down to choose how we see and live each and everyday… No matter what your glass may look like today, please remember it is always…

“A beautiful glass!”

  
Living life filled with Love, Awe and Wonder❤️


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The Ferris Wheel 

I couldn’t help but be in Awe of the ferris wheel on Sunday at Darien Lake… The beauty of the nearly cloudless blue sky fell as the back drop to an amazing ride! The Ferris wheel went round and around all day long. Its sight mesmerized me every time I would see it in the background of our day.  

 I couldn’t help but Wonder what it represented to me about life… It’s a life metaphor: “we go round and round and when we Stop nobody knows”  

 Life is like a ride… There are many choices! The Ferris wheel is perhaps the “safest” choice, while some may choose to spend their life on a roller coaster… 

 Sometimes life just happens to be a roller coaster when we yearn to ride the Ferris wheel… 

 We are only given so many tickets, so many days…. The choice is yours… Spend your “tickets” wisely and  enjoy the ride! There are so many to choose from…

 Living life filled with Love, Awe and Wonder ❤️


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Finding Purpose 

I struggle with “doing”…. And continue to search for “being”.  Some days I feel I need to do… Do what? Is unknown to my soul and yet knowing I must start with “just being” keeps me in wonder… Be still, be content, be present, be happy… Be, Be, Be… To be or not to be is still the question…

Part of me keeps wanting to do! Do what is unsure… “Do” tends to give  the illusion of accomplishment, fulfillment, acceptance all part of the never ending search for ones purpose. 

I watch as my 91 year old dad even struggle with his purpose at his age. The search for ones personal purpose seems to be universal. No matter our age we all seem to starve for own life purpose.

Is a career enough to satisfy someone’s hunger to know their life’s purpose?  I’ve met many people who have great careers and still wonder what their purpose is.  Finding your purpose in life is a question which makes me wonder if there is ever an answer.  We all have so much to be thankful for and yet…there is that small voice of wonder… The song ” What’s is All About Alfie” rings over and over in my head… “What’s it all about Alfie is it just for the moment we live?” …. I cant help but wonder…

 As my big brother turned 60 today and my dad turned 91 last month, their age seems to resonate deeply with my emotions. Where did the years go?  How did I get here so fast? Maybe the loss of my mother and her 90th birthday this week keeps my mourning process spinning out of control.

Time continues to heal all wounds, and yet its that same time in some cases that cause the pain. Past memories of time gone by, the unknown of the time of tomorrow, and today, time is passing by again.  I often wonder if others wonder the same things I do? I would like to believe they do… So as I continue to find my purpose I will just “do” what I love, write and be present to “just being”

Living life filled with Love, awe and wonder lots and lots of wondering…


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Wondering…

I can’t help but wonder… As I continue to clean out my parents papers and such from their home I found this sweet picture of them. The back of the picture said “single 1950” which would have made them 25 years old! 25 years old! My parents in their prime… Youth and so many years ahead of them. And now their daughter in her 50’s, mom gone and dad in an assisted living home, I continue to wonder where the years went. 

This photo is living proof of why seniors need to be treated with love, compassion and respect… They too walked those same youthful steps we all have… So as I continue to care for my dad,  one drive away, my heart is still heavy but filled with the most precious memories any little girl could ask for… I often wonder if I had one wish, what would I wish for?   Sometimes I think a winning lottery ticket,  but then I smile and know my wish would be going back to those days when my daddy was my daddy…❤️ and I was his little girl again….❤️

In Love, awe and wonder always!  

 
1950s


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An Opinion…

I started wondering about “an opinion” recently. My opinion, your opinion, their opinion… I couldn’t help but wonder if an opinion really mattered or not, after all it’s just an opinion. It’s meaning according to dictionary.com is: a belief or judgment that rests ongrounds insufficient to produce complete certainty. So there’s no certainty of an opinion and yet we let other opinions affect us… Makes me wonder why an opinion has so much clout! And who has the final say when it comes to an opinion? This wonder all started when I gave my opinion on a Facebook post. Michelle Obama and her commencement speech had me wondering about everyone’s opinion… And even mine, it was just my opinion anyway… I guess I know why the old saying rings true… “Never discuss religion or politics” everyone just has an opinion which all “rests ongrounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.” Hmmm “an opinion” makes me wonder…

Love, Awe and Wonder 



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 It Was Time…

It was time… Time for dads independence and more socialization. Time for me to continuing living my own life… A transitional period which lasted 8 months. A period of adjustment since my mothers passing, a time of mourning for all. But now, it was time.

I moved my father into his new living environment, a lovely assisted living home.  Seniors with a lot in common… Peers his own age and well needed socialization for him. I knew it was time…

As I settled his room and left him in the dinning room for lunch, I couldn’t help but know this was the right decsion. I walked away feeling the same as if I had just left my 3 year old for his first day of preschool… thinking and knowing it was time…

A heart wrenching decision, but one that was made for the both of us for many reasons. Some may not understand why, and some days I may not even understand why… But the peace the surpasses all understanding gives me my truth of knowing,  it was time…

Love you daddy❤️ 

 


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Daycare vs Daily Care

There’s daycare for toddlers and there is daycare for seniors… I have recently started using the senior daycare for my father. Something he prefers not to go to but a well needed distraction to keep his mind stimulated. I couldn’t help but remember the times I use to drop off my daughter when she was three years old. She hated going, she just wanted to be with mommy. I am also reminded of how her son George hated going to daycare initially… And today, although he was gracious about going I know in my heart he just wants to stay home with me. A difficult decision, but one that must be made in order we both keep our sanity. 

 

You see,  I never thought caretaking could be so emotionally taxing, but it is for a number of reasons… First to watch your parent age right  before your eyes is heart wrenching. Their ability to be that rock has been chipped away into little pebbles over time.  Having to be aware of their needs and wants continually is also wearing.  I’d like to say this is easy… But the truth is, it is Not! 

On a  positive note, knowing your parent is getting the best care possible is emotionally reassuring.  The unknown about the senior homes whether assisted or nursing homes is just as emotionally taxing. This is a strange stage of care giving… A parent who has their mind but their body continues not to cooperate.  They know what’s going on and they feel as helpless as the family care giver.

A decision is being made about placing my dad into an assisted living home for more social interaction. And also to get our relationship back to father/daughter… Frankly I’m struggling with this whole process. Watching your partent deteriorate right before your eyes is heart breaking.  He’s not on his death bed, just years of life tearing at his physical along with his emotional well being. It’s like watching death in very slow motion. The awareness of your parent never being who you once knew does something to ones heart. That small hole gets bigger and bigger until the enavitable happens.

So a decision of a daycare doesn’t seem so difficult compared to the decision of assisted living. A very heart wrenching decision made by many… The unknown of the right decision is scary, the unknown of watching the last chapter in a parents life is heart breaking…

Today I share some difficult thoughts and emotions… My love, Awe and wonder has brought me to my knees of just simply Wonder….


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The Due Date…

We all had a due date! Some came early, some came late and others needed a little reminder it was time! 

As for my daughter, she needed the reminder. Two weeks past her due date it was time to bring her into the world. She wasn’t ready, but I was! I feel blessed I never experienced labor pains but had to have a C Section.  30 years later her little son George was in a hurry and came 2 weeks early… And now we wait for another baby Holahan and wonder…. What will it be and when will the baby arrive. 

As the mother and grandmother it’s a double duty… Thoughts and prayers for your own child along with your child’s child! Double worry, Double joy! 

There is something surreal about watching your daughter during  her pregnancy. I was honored to watch the birth of my first born grandson George… And now I’m honored to watch George as my daughter gives birth to her second child… As I continue to wonder… What will she have, and when will the baby arrive?   

All unknown, all thoughts that keep me in a state of love, awe and wonder… My baby is having another baby! 

  




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Call Me Old Fashion!

I can’t help but wonder… What’s happening to our society? Families too busy for each other, children watching some kind of technology, the expectation of “fast food” everywhere, lack of human emotional communication and on and on…

I’ve shut down! I’m overwhelmed by the influx of technical stimulation all around me and the lack of personal connection. People need people! Barbra Streisand sang that song back in the late 1960’s, which for some maybe considered too old fashioned! For me it was an exciting time in history… People, connection, growth, exploring the uniqueness of society… People reaching people through people NOT through technology! 

As the sang says… “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world!”  We need to re-teach our children to get OFF thier smart phones and emotionally interact with people! 

Technology has turned into a snowball effect… 15 years ago when my children were able to instant message (IM) off the desktop computer at home. at least they were still stuck in the house with people around. Then came the laptop and IM began traveling a little further away from people depending of the WFI connection…. And now we communicate with a small smart phone, we pull from our pockets to let someone know how we feel and what’s going on! 

I can’t help but wonder, what’s happened to our society and the ramifications technology will continue to have on all of us! Call me old fashion but I hate what I see happening to society, the family structure, our little children, the lack of respect from our teenagers and even how adults treat each other!  

There is a old saying… “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!” And today I say “Put your Apple away and talk with people today!”  

Each one of us can Stop the madness around us!  Here are some thoughts….

Pick up the phone and call someone instead of sending a Tex.

 Leave your phone off the table when eating out. 

Don’t allow children to take tablets everywhere they go.

Be a role model and don’t pick up the phone if you are with other people.

Be a person who needs people and connect with the human soul one on one in person! 

Love and life is about true human connection, let’s stop the madness and all start to really reconnect! And remember “People who need people are the luckiest people in the world!”

Living life filled with love, awe and wonder!